Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
