Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
