Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
