Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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