I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
