I accidentally burped into my bong.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
