3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
