i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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