Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
The power of my boobs compel you
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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