I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
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