Your dad touched me again.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
