Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
