i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
