Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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