oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
