i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
