Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
