apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
