That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
