dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
