I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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