Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers