Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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