Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
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I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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