i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
