Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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