The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
