I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
