I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
If I die, sorry about rent.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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