i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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