a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
