I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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