Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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