My liver just broke up with me...
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
