All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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