this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
