what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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