Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
