Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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