So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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