you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
