Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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