Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
