you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
