So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize