i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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