my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
