remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
