Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
