I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
