I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
