You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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