Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
