I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
