Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
