everyone is single if you try hard enough
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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