I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
