Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
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