I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
