Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
