he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
