So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
