Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
