I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
