Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
