We won't sleep together?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
