ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
