Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
