i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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