so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Randomize