It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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