I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
