I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
