I hope mine doesn't look like that
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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