On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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